Spring Clean

I decided Twitch schedules do not count as content, so I've deleted them.

I will be working on a new kind of 'schedule' soon, so don't worry too much about that.

I'll be posting some stuff on here soon, so stay tuned!
In the meantime, there some updates over at The Underhive Hero so go check that out!

Tentatively back

Hi folks.

I should be making 'new age media' comeback sooner rather than later.

Looking into getting back to blogging, Twitch and maybe even YouTube, just with a different method of 'attack' shall we say.

101. So what happened?

I think I've been putting off this update for a very long time, as it's a bit of a personal one, and quite hard to quantify while I was going through the worst of it.

I fell off the wagon a bit.

Without sounding like some hipster, new age stereotype, it's taken a lot of soul searching, self reflection and critical analysis (because it wouldn't be me otherwise, right?) to fully comprehend what the fuck happened to my state of being.

I think I've been forced to admit that, fundamentally, there is something more, something deeper going on in my life other than surface tensions, events and set backs.

I've known for a long time I'm a hyper critical, over analytical, over thinking, self deprecating individual.
I usually shrug this off as me being 'realistic' and 'aware,' but I think I have to acknowledge that it's something more.
I'm no Doctor, so I'm not going to self diagnose (at least, not with any conviction or certainty), but it's safe to say my mental health hasn't been the best, and maybe it never really has.

That's where the past...past comes in to play.

Being made redundant from my job in September/ October, gaining weight, drifting of social groups, lack of romantic attention, having friends manipulate me or others perceptions of me...
Everything on it's own is probably a problem I can deal with, but combined, they've just eaten away at my mental fortitude because of that hyper critical, self deprecating attitude I carry around with me.

Fast forward to the last 2 months.
I finally got a job. I thought I was moving forward.
But all that happened was I've taken a massive step backwards.
This new job exhausted me; physically and mentally.
Long hours, long monotonous drives, lack of mental engagement for the most part and then sudden, intense and highly stressful at others (pro tip, avoid driving in London).
Within the 6 weeks of doing this job I'd had all of the mental seals that hold my temper in check broken, I'd put on considerable weight (for me at any rate) and I was permanently exhausted and frustrated.
It got to the point that, whilst driving to London, I fell asleep at the wheel on the motorway.
This in itself is bad enough, but the very same thing happened the next day.

When this happened I knew my position was untenable: the effects it was having on my mental and physical state were too taxing for me, and totally not worth risking my life for.
I am aware that others do jobs like this all that time, and that's fair enough, but it just isn't something I can do.
More to the point, it wasn't something I was willing to put myself through just for the sake of money.

So I quit.
And with it I quit, well, everything.

You'll have noticed I stopped updating this blog, I stopped updating my hobby blog and I've taken two weeks off streaming.

I've needed it.
To rebuild my state of mind.
To clear my head.
To control my anger and frustration.

And I've started to feel the benefit of that.

I need to keep pushing forward and keep working on it.
The next step is to make progress on my physical shape, and probably to see a Doctor.

This all sounds like a success story; a tale of mental fortitude, but it isn't.
It's a tale of how fragile life can be, and how inconsequential things, if left alone, will fucking eat you alive if you don't deal with them.

Despite all the progress I've made in the last two weeks I'm still anxious, I'm still over thinking things I have literally no control over and I'm still a self deprecating, over critical mess.
I couldn't sleep last night because every time I did I was greeted by sleep paralysis style night terrors.

A lot of people I know are having problems right now, and this is my advice to you and them;
Don't suffer in silence, and don't suffer alone.
Build a support network of family and friends.
Speak to a Doctor and if necessary get therapy, medication...

Realise that the most important part of your life is yourself.
Sometimes you just have to focus on you; what you want, what will make you happy and ultimately, what you need.


That's all I got.
I'll try to get back to doing more interesting stuff again, but with the above in mind I'm making no promises.

-DH-

100. Breaking Up The Monotony.

I know all I've posted is my Twitch Show Guides recently.

I have been active online, just not here.

If you want to check out what I've been doing hobby wise, there is a good chunk of content on my Hobby Blog: The Underhive Hero.

I've been heavily invested in my Twitch Channel (as the WKS attest to).
I've upgraded each and every stream to have their own personal open/end slates, sourced fitting music for each show and spent some time developing my Discord server to help better 'my' community.
I guess it's starting to pay off. I average a follower a week.
I'd be very happy if I can get 100 followers in my first year.

With this commitment to streaming has come additional content for my YouTube.
Pokémon Uranium is progressing well, and while growth is slow here, I am still occasionally gaining followers.
I'm trying to figure out how to/ what to do for YouTube exclusive content.
I have a few ideas, so we'll have to see how it goes.


I'm genuinely sorry that I've not felt the urge to write anything here.
It's not that there isn't stuff to write about either...

The world is fucking falling apart.

Brexit. Theresa May. Trump

The western world is burning itself to the ground; Nationalism is the cry, but Fascism is the result.

The world and it's populace have exceed my capacity for stupid.
I'm burned out explaining, debating and arguing with people who just yell 'that's your opinion' or 'fake news.'

I need time to recharge, but unemployment isn't exactly a fitting environment for that.

It'll all come together in time.
I know it.

But right now, I feel like I'm in a rut and there isn't a way out.
Every aspect of my life has major problems and I have no solutions, other than to watching on while everything crumbles around me.

My creativity levels and suffering levels rise in tandem.
What's getting me down, is that I'm sure people should know this...
But while I get folk congratulate me on my hobby/ art/ whatever else, no one even asks the question...

Anyway, ramble ramble ramble.

I'll leave you with something that sums up my whole existence for the past few years, and probably the next few.

Passing Through A Screen Door - The Wonder Years.



Cigarette smoke dances back in the window,
And I can see the haze on the dome light
I'm conjuring ghosts on a forty hour ride home,
And they keep asking me what I'm doing with my life.

While my cousins go to bed with their wives.
I'm feeling like I've fallen behind.

Well, the highway won
I'm listening to traffic reports one on one
Coming quietly undone.
I was born to run
Away from anything good.
An escape artist's son
Sun-drenched pavement in my blood

The first thing that I do when I walk in is find a way out for when shit gets bad and...

I've been looking for
Tears in the screen door (tears in the screen door).
I've been waiting for
Another disaster (another disaster).

Well I'm still afraid
Like a kid in the sixties
Staring at the sky
Waiting for the bomb to fall.
And it's all a lie
What they say about stability.
It scares me sometimes
The emptiness I see in my eyes.

And all the kids names I've ever liked recited tragedy.
Well, I don't want my children growing up to be anything like me.

I've been looking for
Tears in the screen door (tears in the screen door).
I've been waiting for
Another disaster (another disaster).

But I was kinda hoping you'd say.
I was kinda hoping you'd stay.

I keep a flashlight
And a small knife
In the corner of my bed stand.
I keep a flashlight
And the train times
But you wouldn't understand.
How could you understand?

Jesus Christ. I'm 26.
All the people I graduated with,
All have kids,
All have wives,
All have people who care if they come home at night.

Well, Jesus Christ, did I fuck up?

I've been looking for
Tears in the screen door (tears in the screen door).
I've been waiting for
Another disaster (another disaster).

But I was kinda hoping you'd stay.
I was kinda hoping you'd stay.
I was kinda hoping you'd stay.


Peace.

-DH-

99. Dungeons and Dragons custom dice.

Not quite the blog post I was planning to be first this year, however, it will suffice.

First of all;
I am sorry.

I have not kept up posting as I had wanted to do.
I have let myself down, and anyone who actually reads this.

Though at least I held true to the concept of not posting unless I have something to talk about.
(excluding my recent Twitch scheduling updates).

Second;

A lot of shit has happened over the last few months, and I guess I will come to them in due course, or not.
Processing this information is difficult, bewildering and sometimes rage inducing.
Brexit
Trump
Where do I even begin...

The world has gone to shit, but again, that is a topic for another post.

And finally;

Yes.
I am back.
I'm settled into a Twitch routine and a YouTube editing routine, so it is high time I set myself back on course with everything else.
Blogging and hobby blogging are two of the things I'd like to correct.

So, on that note, check out my most recent post on The Underhive Hero.
The Sisters of Battle are back!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Anyway, back on topic.

I've been back to playing Dungeons and Dragons recently.
(there are a lot of stories here too, but again, another time...)

I bought one of my friends a set of Green Black forest dice from Q workshop for Christmas.
(They play a Gnome Ranger in one of the campaigns we play in).

The dice are quite nice.



The only problem being that, in low light conditions, these numbers actually become quite hard to make out.
Especially on the D20.

So I offered to customise them a little, to
A ) Function better
and
B ) Suit her character a bit more (She is a rock gnome obsessed with gems and valuable metals).

So, here's what they look like with gold on them!



They are not 100% finished in this picture, but they are IRL.
All I used was 2/3 thin coats of Retributior Armour (a water based acrylic paint by Citadel).
Followed by a coat of spray satin varnish to seal them from wear and tear.

Done.

That's all for this post.
I'll endevour to do better blogging tin the future, so stay tuned.
You can check out my regular Twitch shows if you really want to see what I'm up to.

Until next time folks!

-DH-

98. Two way.

Diary-esq post.
INB4 cba to read that.

Some people purport to 'good friends' and indeed, some of their actions in some of the harder times match this.
Yet, it's their everyday actions that make me question their level of attachment.
Makes me think sometimes, that I'm just being humoured.

Conversations are two way processes.
They are not one person talking at another...
Nor are they waiting for each other to stop talking, just so you can 'take your turn.'

They involve reciprocation, and listening... actually listening.

When someone asks 'how your day is going,' you reciprocate by replying and asking the same.
And when you never do, what does that mean?
Or
When someone says they're listening, but when you ask, 'what did I just say,' and they can't answer, you're not listening.

Recently some folk don't do one or both of those.
Maybe they've got a lot on their mind, maybe they're tired...

Or maybe they're just humouring me.
Maybe I'm just another face in the crowd, or just another problem they have to deal with...

Either way, it feels more like I'm not worth the effort of conversation, or worth listening to.
That I don't matter.


I'm having a rough second half of 2016.

97. Twitch.Tv Guide concept

 So this is a concept I came up with (I doubt I'm the first too obviously, but I digress..).
Would it be a valuable idea to post the intended content of a stream well ahead of time, like a TV guide?

Now, I don't mean a schedule (i already have one of those).
A schedule is like the name of the show; 
Family Guy.

The intended content would be like; in this episode of family guy X does Y.


So in context it would be like this:

Schedule;
Shows are at 8pm UK.
Tuesday - #TechnicalTuesday:  An arts and crafts show, both digital and traditional.

Wednesday - #WifiWednesday: A show dedicated to games with online/ l.a.n multiplayer.

Thursday - #FreeForAllThursday: The time of the week where we get to play anything! This is where the vast majority of my full game play through's come from

Weekly Stream guide;
19/12/16 Stream Guide.

Tuesday - #TechnicalTuesday: We're continuing the Warhammer 40K Ork Warboss digital drawing from last weeks stream (check the VOD if you missed it!)

Wednesday - #WifiWednesday: One of my followers suggested we play 'Fist Full of Frags,' a small free to play source game on Steam (if you wanna join in, hit me up on discord)

Thursday - #FreeForAllThursday: We've had a couple of weeks off, so we're returning to our play through of Pokémon Uranium! Time to get revenge on the Hokagae!
It more informative, and the Twitch channel comments section is perfect for it.

It also is more helpful for folks who stumble upon your stream when you're offline; they know what you intend to stream, what kind of things are shown on this channel, and if it is worth their time popping back when you are online.
I imagine a lot of folks just look at channels they stumble on and glide right past.

The above could lead to more concurrent viewers on stream; people coming back for more because they know they'll be interested in it.. which fuels audience engagement, especially when playing games with your community.

I think it's a neat idea.

What do you think?
Do you think this idea is good or bad?
Do you think it's applicable to more than one platform (YouTube?)
Would a Weekly Show guide make you more likely to come and watch a stream?

If you have any thoughts or feedback let me know!

Until next time
-DH-

96. Upload slowed...

I posted this on my Twitch announcement page...but I thought I'd put it here... kinda just to spam it as many places as possible.

'It has been brought to my attention that we have some stuttering issues (thanks Lekiriku =])

One of the issues may have been the bitrate.

I have changed this for the next stream to see if it helps

After looking into it a little more however, I think it has something to do with my ISP.

The gist of my Twitter exchange with VirginMedia today:

@Virginmedia DL speed has improved thanks. Figured out 1 my problems though. Upload limit is terrible on all tariffs. Not good for #Twitch

@virginmedia 1 hr reduction after 1000MB is 1024Kbps (-50%), then 768Kbps (-63%) after the next 1000MB. 2 hour #twitch stream is 3gb

@virginmedia Only on VIVID is 2 hours doable, but Any more than that and you'll run into problems. And it's over double the cost #Twitch

@virginmedia And between the hours of 4pm - 11pm. Peak #twitch streaming time.

@virginmedia I get upload limits are there to discourage piracy, but it punishes #Twitch and #YouTube content creators


So there you go.
I doubt this issue will improve drastically anytime soon...
Though if we stick to the lower bitrate, and a 2hour stream time, we should be okay going forward.
But any plans for longer streams will have to be put on hold for a while.'

Yup.
-DH-

95. Speedpaint. EpicErid

If you're subscribed to me on YouTube you may have seen my latest video (If not, you should totally click here and do that now!)


In this video I drew an avatar for a good friend of mine we've mentioned here before; EpicErid!

The video is the product of 2 separate streams on my Twitch channel (which you can follow by clicking here!).

It took about 6 hours to draw and paint, but I've condensed it down to about 20 mins by upping the speed by 800 times!


Anyway, you should go check it out, and subscribe for more if you enjoy it!


Thanks!

-DH-

94. Inktober 2016 complete!

So recently I took part in, and completed Inktober 2016, which I posted regularly on my Instagram!
I thought I'd post them here too, just in case you missed them, and to talk a bit more in depth about my experience.

If you haven't heard of Inktober, you can just check out their website.

In short; 'Every October, artists all over the world take on the InkTober drawing challenge by doing one ink drawing a day the entire month. I created InkTober in 2009 as a challenge to improve my inking skills and develop positive drawing habits.'

#1 - Fast


This was the first one of the challenge.
It's Sonic, the very real hedgehog.
As you'll come to see (especially if you check out the full album) the effort lefvels and ambition were quite high to start with.

#4 - Hungry



I'm a big fan of the following things; Pokémon Fusions, Kirby/ Smash Bros and D.Va/ Overwatch.
I think Gremlin D.Va is one of the est thing to have happened to the internet, so decided to fuse her with Kirbz.

#7 - Lost



So, I've put this as Rock/ Lost for a few reasons.
When I first sketched the picture for lost, I didn't have the confidence to ink it.
So I posted this picture I did on the same day of Terlard instead.
Now, when I did the actual Rock at a later date I accidentally ruined the 'Lost' picture which infuriated me, especially since I massively rushed the rock picture, and I'm really not proud of it.
So, Terlard will kinda do (especially because I really like it).
I saved the 'lost' picture at a later date, so all was not lost.

#24 - One Dozen


So I really enjoy Pokémon!
I like this as it was my first attempt of applying a whole lot of layers of Pro Markers (Terlard only has a couple)

#30 - Wreck

So this was the original picture for lost, the one I ruined (before I ruined it)



I was quite proud of it.
It is one of the most detailed and accurate drawings of an actual picture I'd done in a while.
Hence my lack of confidence to ink it.
But once I'd ruined it, well, the fear had gone.



So this is what it became after inking... which, given the state it was in, I was fairly chipper with.



And that's it!
I learned a lot doing this challenge.
Drawing a picture every day is quite difficult.
Staying motivated, interested and inspired is a lot harder than it sounds.
I've spent years investing my time in other endevours, and it has sapped my creativity and originality.

After completing this challenge I felt great; while some of the drawing were rushed, and done just because, I really feel like my drawing has improved, especially digitally.
Not only that, but my desire to draw has returned... not at the pace of Inktober, but on a semi-regular basis.
I find myself inspired more often, and some of my ability has returned.

I recommend this challenge to anyone, at anytime.

Anyway. if you want to check out all of the pictures you can see them on this Flickr album - Inktober 2016
Alternatively, follow my Instagram; All the posts are on there, and it is where I generally post my art - Instagram
If you enjoy it, I highly recommend you join my on the 'TechnicalTuesday' show on my Twitch, where I usually do some digital artwork! - Twitch

That's it. Thanks for reading!

Until next time

-DH-