Yes I have updated my B&C blog. Not much mind, just mad eup a sister of battle list using the WD codex. Feel free to check it out here - Sisters be this way!
I'll post a real update soon...ish.
University is stressing me out. In both a social and academic context. Bad times.
DH
Tuesday 29 November 2011
Saturday 17 September 2011
12. Sound effects and overdramatics
I know I said not to expect posts for a while, but I am so damn bored. That and I in desperate need of distractions. Things just don't seem to be going my way of late.
Anyway, I'll come back to that. Maybe.
Political shit ahead (if you're not interested, you fucking should be...but you can skip past it, you'll know when it is over when the main text changes colour).
Not too long ago there was a spate of riots; well, I say riots, what I actually mean is rampant looting, through the UK. Especially in Birmingham. Numerous political commentators have out this down to 'gang' culture and such, and then let the blame lie there. I don't think that attributing blame like that is the way to go about things. Gang culture may have had some role, but it is far from the cause. No individual cause exists; there is no one group or entity to blame. This society has produced the circumstances needed to spark such 'riots'. Society created room for gang culture to grow, for an underclass to form, for people to think that looting and violence is excusable.
There is an underlying causality to all this. I'm not claiming to know what it is, but I have an idea of one of the driving forces involved. Our society creates losers; people who are left out, undermined, ignored and repressed by society and its structures and functions, more so now than most points in our history. There is an ever growing gap between the underclass/the poor and the super rich. This is, in part down, to the concept of free market competition. There is an overwhelming focus of gain, material possessions and greed in western society. Where someone gains, someone else losses. The ever growing gap in wealth is evidence of that, and the failings of the 'trickle down' economic stimulation.
These fundamental problems in our society, our economy and indeed, our way of thinking need to be addressed. Urgently. If it is not, then as Jonny 'Itch' Fox (front man of The king blues) said while performing at reading festival a while back; 'it might just happen again'.
With that in mind, check this out - http://anonops.blogspot.com/ (or check out #occupywallstreet, #takewallstreet and @anonops on twitter).
There is more to be said on this situation, and the general failings of society, capitalism and the market economy, but that is a somewhat bigger and far broader argument to get into right now. Maybe later? Safe.
Moving on to other topics.
My brother had a few friends round about a week back for a poker game. I decided to join, despite being terrible at poker. £5 in, total prize £35. I won :D (yes, this is me gloating and being a bad winner. HAHAHA).
Despite this win I've been in a terrible mood since that day. I know why. Unfortunately I (a) have pretty much no control over the situation and (b) can't really tear myself away. I'm being patient, but I can't last forever.
On a hobby front, well, head over to The Underhive hero to check out the new update (it is relatively small) and/or my blog on the bolterandchainsword for some progress on my (slightly old/resurrected) DeathWatch project.
Ahhh, procrastination, distraction and a bit of venting always manages to make me feel better.
-DH-
Anyway, I'll come back to that. Maybe.
Political shit ahead (if you're not interested, you fucking should be...but you can skip past it, you'll know when it is over when the main text changes colour).
Not too long ago there was a spate of riots; well, I say riots, what I actually mean is rampant looting, through the UK. Especially in Birmingham. Numerous political commentators have out this down to 'gang' culture and such, and then let the blame lie there. I don't think that attributing blame like that is the way to go about things. Gang culture may have had some role, but it is far from the cause. No individual cause exists; there is no one group or entity to blame. This society has produced the circumstances needed to spark such 'riots'. Society created room for gang culture to grow, for an underclass to form, for people to think that looting and violence is excusable.
There is an underlying causality to all this. I'm not claiming to know what it is, but I have an idea of one of the driving forces involved. Our society creates losers; people who are left out, undermined, ignored and repressed by society and its structures and functions, more so now than most points in our history. There is an ever growing gap between the underclass/the poor and the super rich. This is, in part down, to the concept of free market competition. There is an overwhelming focus of gain, material possessions and greed in western society. Where someone gains, someone else losses. The ever growing gap in wealth is evidence of that, and the failings of the 'trickle down' economic stimulation.
These fundamental problems in our society, our economy and indeed, our way of thinking need to be addressed. Urgently. If it is not, then as Jonny 'Itch' Fox (front man of The king blues) said while performing at reading festival a while back; 'it might just happen again'.
With that in mind, check this out - http://anonops.blogspot.com/ (or check out #occupywallstreet, #takewallstreet and @anonops on twitter).
There is more to be said on this situation, and the general failings of society, capitalism and the market economy, but that is a somewhat bigger and far broader argument to get into right now. Maybe later? Safe.
Moving on to other topics.
My brother had a few friends round about a week back for a poker game. I decided to join, despite being terrible at poker. £5 in, total prize £35. I won :D (yes, this is me gloating and being a bad winner. HAHAHA).
Despite this win I've been in a terrible mood since that day. I know why. Unfortunately I (a) have pretty much no control over the situation and (b) can't really tear myself away. I'm being patient, but I can't last forever.
On a hobby front, well, head over to The Underhive hero to check out the new update (it is relatively small) and/or my blog on the bolterandchainsword for some progress on my (slightly old/resurrected) DeathWatch project.
Ahhh, procrastination, distraction and a bit of venting always manages to make me feel better.
-DH-
Friday 16 September 2011
Stalling for time
Yeah, more filler.
I'm going back to university on the 21st of september. Expect a severe drop in updates for a unspecified amount of time.
I'm going back to university on the 21st of september. Expect a severe drop in updates for a unspecified amount of time.
Friday 9 September 2011
For those who have heart
Something that sums up how I'm feeling towards a few people right now.
The Danger in Starting a Fire - A Day To Remember
'So now you'll know exactly what it feels like
to be an obstacle in my way
You won't remain
You won't remain
Save your breath don't even speak if you'll speak of change
Cause you won't, you won't
Cut to the chase, spare the lecture on what it takes to make a man
Cause you're weak and I'm strong
I will never falter
I'll stand my ground
You're a fake, a worthless coward
Your life won't mean anything
So now you'll know exactly what it feels like
to be an obstacle in my way
You won't remain
You won't remain
Let's set things straight,
What's done is done I never needed you
Tell me exactly who you think that you're kidding?
Everyone will be happy when they find that you're missing
You asked if we'd ever forget you
We've got our fingers crossed
Our fingers crossed!
That's the danger in starting a fire
You'll never know how many bridges you'll burn '
to be an obstacle in my way
You won't remain
You won't remain
Save your breath don't even speak if you'll speak of change
Cause you won't, you won't
Cut to the chase, spare the lecture on what it takes to make a man
Cause you're weak and I'm strong
I will never falter
I'll stand my ground
You're a fake, a worthless coward
Your life won't mean anything
So now you'll know exactly what it feels like
to be an obstacle in my way
You won't remain
You won't remain
Let's set things straight,
What's done is done I never needed you
Tell me exactly who you think that you're kidding?
Everyone will be happy when they find that you're missing
You asked if we'd ever forget you
We've got our fingers crossed
Our fingers crossed!
That's the danger in starting a fire
You'll never know how many bridges you'll burn '
Hobby. Hobby, Hobby.
Updates at both Underhive hero, and the Bolter and Chainsword. Check them out!!
Friday 2 September 2011
11. Reading and Reading; Escaping reality, returning to reality and seeking another exit.
It has been a while I know. I apologise, as ever. However I do come bearing a decent size blog post, and various other postings elsewhere, which will of course be linked to in due time.
So, Let us begin with the future.
My third and final year of University is rapidly approaching. I have opted to stick with dual honours History and Politics, with no major or minor, and have thus chosen my modules accordingly.
In History I have taken a pair of modules on the partition of India. By the looks of it these modules focus on the schisms within Indian society and how they lead to India's various partitions and eventual independence. I've also decided to do my dissertation in history, using these modules as a basis, and focusing on the nationalism side of things (At least, that is the plan....for now).
HIS-30094 Religion, Rebellion and the Raj: The Partition of India pt 1
HIS-30095 Negotiating Nationalisms and Partitions: The Partition of India pt 2
HIS-30103 Dissertation for History
In Politics I have tended to pick modules that interest me in some way, shape and form; luckily a couple of the themes explored in these modules coincide with my history dissertation. Win.
In Politics I have tended to pick modules that interest me in some way, shape and form; luckily a couple of the themes explored in these modules coincide with my history dissertation. Win.
PIR-30115 End of Empire
PIR-30119 the Extreme Right in Western Europe
PIR-30126 Human Rights: Concepts, Norms and Identities
PIR-30128 Protest and social movements
These will no doubt creep into future blog posts. I'm not gonna lie, I am a little excited to be intellectually challenged again; summer is dull in that regard, but I am slightly apprehensive. This year is going to be difficult, time consuming and very, very stressful. Too late to turn back now!
Now to the present.
I have a new job. Well, it is the same job, just at a different store. The change of scenery and pace is welcome if I'm honest. I won't find out if I like it until I start at Christmas though.
I did some modelling for my Necromunda gang, which has been put up on Underhive Hero
I have also taken pictures of my grey knights force which is on my Bolter and Chainsword Blog So enjoy those.
I went to Reading festival (25th - 29th) which was, by and large, pretty fucking amazing! Met up with some friends there, had a good laugh, had a few drinks and saw some great bands (as well as some disappointing ones). I don't think I could pick a 'best band of the weekend.' That being said, Flogging Molly, The King Blues, Enter Shikari, Frank Turner and Muse were probably my top five (in no particular order). Worst band award goes to The Strokes. No stage presence whatsoever and not enough of a show to justify it. A Shame really.
And no, I do not look like Jarvis Cocker. Shurrup.
I managed to finish Kill team...ages ago. It was quite good, but shock! Like all XBL games it was far. Too. Short. Disappointing. Worth a bash? I'd say so, if you're into 40k and/or intend to buy Space Marine. If you're not to either of those, don't bother...or download the demo first at the very least.
Onto the past....
In short, yeah, I'm an idiot. But, as they say, the past is only the future with the lights on. I'm only looking forward, it is far more interesting ;). yesmyfacehasgoneredatthethoughtofthepossibilities.
Roll on Keele.
-DH-
Thursday 28 July 2011
Chaplin the Chaplain.
One of the greatest speaches ever.
I love it.
"I'm sorry but I don't want to be an Emperor - that's not my business - I don't want to rule or conquer anyone. I should like to help everyone if possible, Jew, gentile, black man, white. We all want to help one another, human beings are like that.
We all want to live by each other's happiness, not by each other's misery. We don't want to hate and despise one another. In this world there is room for everyone and the earth is rich and can provide for everyone.
The way of life can be free and beautiful.
But we have lost the way.
Greed has poisoned men's souls - has barricaded the world with hate; has goose-stepped us into misery and bloodshed.
We have developed speed but we have shut ourselves in: machinery that gives abundance has left us in want. Our knowledge has made us cynical, our cleverness hard and unkind. We think too much and feel too little: More than machinery we need humanity; More than cleverness we need kindness and gentleness. Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost.
The aeroplane and the radio have brought us closer together. The very nature of these inventions cries out for the goodness in men, cries out for universal brotherhood for the unity of us all. Even now my voice is reaching millions throughout the world, millions of despairing men, women and little children, victims of a system that makes men torture and imprison innocent people. To those who can hear me I say "Do not despair".
The misery that is now upon us is but the passing of greed, the bitterness of men who fear the way of human progress: the hate of men will pass and dictators die and the power they took from the people, will return to the people and so long as men die [now] liberty will never perish...
Soldiers - don't give yourselves to brutes, men who despise you and enslave you - who regiment your lives, tell you what to do, what to think and what to feel, who drill you, diet you, treat you as cattle, as cannon fodder.
Don't give yourselves to these unnatural men, machine men, with machine minds and machine hearts. You are not machines. You are not cattle. You are men. You have the love of humanity in your hearts. You don't hate - only the unloved hate. Only the unloved and the unnatural. Soldiers - don't fight for slavery, fight for liberty.
In the seventeenth chapter of Saint Luke it is written " the kingdom of God is within man " - not one man, nor a group of men - but in all men - in you, the people.
You the people have the power, the power to create machines, the power to create happiness. You the people have the power to make life free and beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure. Then in the name of democracy let's use that power - let us all unite. Let us fight for a new world, a decent world that will give men a chance to work, that will give you the future and old age and security. By the promise of these things, brutes have risen to power, but they lie. They do not fulfil their promise, they never will. Dictators free themselves but they enslave the people. Now let us fight to fulfil that promise. Let us fight to free the world, to do away with national barriers, do away with greed, with hate and intolerance. Let us fight for a world of reason, a world where science and progress will lead to all men's happiness.
Soldiers - in the name of democracy, let us all unite!
Look up! Look up! The clouds are lifting - the sun is breaking through. We are coming out of the darkness into the light. We are coming into a new world. A kind new world where men will rise above their hate and brutality.
The soul of man has been given wings - and at last he is beginning to fly. He is flying into the rainbow - into the light of hope - into the future, that glorious future that belongs to you, to me and to all of us. Look up. Look up." - Charlie Chaplin
I love it.
"I'm sorry but I don't want to be an Emperor - that's not my business - I don't want to rule or conquer anyone. I should like to help everyone if possible, Jew, gentile, black man, white. We all want to help one another, human beings are like that.
We all want to live by each other's happiness, not by each other's misery. We don't want to hate and despise one another. In this world there is room for everyone and the earth is rich and can provide for everyone.
The way of life can be free and beautiful.
But we have lost the way.
Greed has poisoned men's souls - has barricaded the world with hate; has goose-stepped us into misery and bloodshed.
We have developed speed but we have shut ourselves in: machinery that gives abundance has left us in want. Our knowledge has made us cynical, our cleverness hard and unkind. We think too much and feel too little: More than machinery we need humanity; More than cleverness we need kindness and gentleness. Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost.
The aeroplane and the radio have brought us closer together. The very nature of these inventions cries out for the goodness in men, cries out for universal brotherhood for the unity of us all. Even now my voice is reaching millions throughout the world, millions of despairing men, women and little children, victims of a system that makes men torture and imprison innocent people. To those who can hear me I say "Do not despair".
The misery that is now upon us is but the passing of greed, the bitterness of men who fear the way of human progress: the hate of men will pass and dictators die and the power they took from the people, will return to the people and so long as men die [now] liberty will never perish...
Soldiers - don't give yourselves to brutes, men who despise you and enslave you - who regiment your lives, tell you what to do, what to think and what to feel, who drill you, diet you, treat you as cattle, as cannon fodder.
Don't give yourselves to these unnatural men, machine men, with machine minds and machine hearts. You are not machines. You are not cattle. You are men. You have the love of humanity in your hearts. You don't hate - only the unloved hate. Only the unloved and the unnatural. Soldiers - don't fight for slavery, fight for liberty.
In the seventeenth chapter of Saint Luke it is written " the kingdom of God is within man " - not one man, nor a group of men - but in all men - in you, the people.
You the people have the power, the power to create machines, the power to create happiness. You the people have the power to make life free and beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure. Then in the name of democracy let's use that power - let us all unite. Let us fight for a new world, a decent world that will give men a chance to work, that will give you the future and old age and security. By the promise of these things, brutes have risen to power, but they lie. They do not fulfil their promise, they never will. Dictators free themselves but they enslave the people. Now let us fight to fulfil that promise. Let us fight to free the world, to do away with national barriers, do away with greed, with hate and intolerance. Let us fight for a world of reason, a world where science and progress will lead to all men's happiness.
Soldiers - in the name of democracy, let us all unite!
Look up! Look up! The clouds are lifting - the sun is breaking through. We are coming out of the darkness into the light. We are coming into a new world. A kind new world where men will rise above their hate and brutality.
The soul of man has been given wings - and at last he is beginning to fly. He is flying into the rainbow - into the light of hope - into the future, that glorious future that belongs to you, to me and to all of us. Look up. Look up." - Charlie Chaplin
Tuesday 26 July 2011
Underhive Hero is Live
Yeah I said it would happen at some point. Seeing as my day has been, by and large, a fuck up, I thought I'd try and do something semi productive.
Enjoy - Underhive Hero
Enjoy - Underhive Hero
10. Frustration; The slam-tastic chasing game that drives you mad.
The past 24 hours have been extremely frustrating, and disappointing.
Why do bad things come in groups?
I'm going to keep a low profile while I calm down, so don't expect any serious updates for a while
DH
Sunday 17 July 2011
09. I must be dreaming.
Nothing academic to debate about in this post...I'm too relaxed at present to find anything that disagreeable.
Despite my general lack of going out and getting wrecked, this summer is probably one of the most enjoyable (excluding work obviously) I have had in a while, and it has been pretty productive, which is....different.
A good few years back we used to spend all our time down the park playing football. I was awful and still am...but it was enjoyable, and it kept us in decent shape. Now I'm not health nut, but it is nice to have some acceptable level of fitness. So before summer kicked off I was talking to one of my friends who used to sort all of it out, and he invited me to train with the team he plays for (I'll add a link for them if I find one). I think he was surprised when summer came and I turned up, and have done now for about 4 weeks. I am far better now compared to back then, but compared to these guys, I am abysmal, but I'm enjoying it.
With any luck training over the summer might just get me to the level I need to get into my university team....even if it is the fifths.
On the hobby front me and a couple of guys started playing Necromunda. For those unfamiliar with the game Necromunda is set within the Warhammer 40,000 universe (our universe in the 41st millennium). It is a very dystopic, gothic and war driven setting. Necromunda is set within the human populated 'hive worlds.' It is a game about gang conflict within these societies. You can download the rulebook for free if you want to learn more.
Usually I'd link my bolter and Chainsword blog to show you my work, but that only deals in 'power armoured' models. So I'm going to have to find a new way of showing off what I come up with. I'll throw the link in a future post.
I recently bought a few things (despite my moaning about having a job, it does afford me to indulge in some luxuries: P), one of which is the new Warhammer 40,000 game on Xbox live called 'Kill team'. So far it is fairly enjoyable. I'll post a full review of it when I've finished it and tried out the other features.
Despite my general lack of going out and getting wrecked, this summer is probably one of the most enjoyable (excluding work obviously) I have had in a while, and it has been pretty productive, which is....different.
A good few years back we used to spend all our time down the park playing football. I was awful and still am...but it was enjoyable, and it kept us in decent shape. Now I'm not health nut, but it is nice to have some acceptable level of fitness. So before summer kicked off I was talking to one of my friends who used to sort all of it out, and he invited me to train with the team he plays for (I'll add a link for them if I find one). I think he was surprised when summer came and I turned up, and have done now for about 4 weeks. I am far better now compared to back then, but compared to these guys, I am abysmal, but I'm enjoying it.
With any luck training over the summer might just get me to the level I need to get into my university team....even if it is the fifths.
On the hobby front me and a couple of guys started playing Necromunda. For those unfamiliar with the game Necromunda is set within the Warhammer 40,000 universe (our universe in the 41st millennium). It is a very dystopic, gothic and war driven setting. Necromunda is set within the human populated 'hive worlds.' It is a game about gang conflict within these societies. You can download the rulebook for free if you want to learn more.
Usually I'd link my bolter and Chainsword blog to show you my work, but that only deals in 'power armoured' models. So I'm going to have to find a new way of showing off what I come up with. I'll throw the link in a future post.
I recently bought a few things (despite my moaning about having a job, it does afford me to indulge in some luxuries: P), one of which is the new Warhammer 40,000 game on Xbox live called 'Kill team'. So far it is fairly enjoyable. I'll post a full review of it when I've finished it and tried out the other features.
There have been other [i]developments[/i], But I'm not going to jinx it by writing about it here. The title of this post is a clue. If you figure it out, it doesn't apply to it all...yet. Just the first part ;).
That is all for now. Link spam to follow soon no doubt :P.
Peace.
-DH-
That is all for now. Link spam to follow soon no doubt :P.
Peace.
-DH-
Thursday 16 June 2011
08. Seventy times seven and/or there is no 'I' in team, depending on which record you bought first; A double entendre.
A quick note before I start this one. I think it is safe to assume from now on weekly updates are not going to happen. I'll do my best, but, I'm not promising anything.
On the hobby front, I finally got round to building my grey knight models
So far this consists of;
15 power armoured grey knights (PAGK),
15 grey knight terminators (GKT); 2 squads of 5, and 1 squad of 5 paladins,
1 Grand master (Calgar conversion),
1 Land raider.
That is all at the moment. I'll save photos and other assorted ramblings about them for my Bolter and Chainsword blog (see the toolbar on the left), and I'll post a little filler blog on here when that goes live.
I decided last week to visit one of my friends. I've mentioned this individual before...sort of. (See 02. April fools is for fool's)
Yes, that one. I know what you are probably thinking.
Yes I am an idiot.
It is hard to explain, as these things always are, but I can't help myself.
Anyway, the first day went rather well. I had a good time with this person and their friends, but I couldn't shake the feeling that something I wouldn't like was going to happen. The individual in question kept sneaking in mentions of a 'friend' who was coming in a couple of days. Cutting a long story short, a couple of days later my feeling proves to be right, leaving me, well, you get the idea.
Idiot, I know. Yet, while it hurts, which is their doing, I acknowledge they owe me nothing. They have made no promises. It is all me. Yeah, idiot, I know. Don't remind me.
The instant this happened a song popped into my head that described exactly how I was feeling. (See video/Lyrics)
Seventy Times Seven - Brand New.
On the hobby front, I finally got round to building my grey knight models
So far this consists of;
15 power armoured grey knights (PAGK),
15 grey knight terminators (GKT); 2 squads of 5, and 1 squad of 5 paladins,
1 Grand master (Calgar conversion),
1 Land raider.
That is all at the moment. I'll save photos and other assorted ramblings about them for my Bolter and Chainsword blog (see the toolbar on the left), and I'll post a little filler blog on here when that goes live.
I decided last week to visit one of my friends. I've mentioned this individual before...sort of. (See 02. April fools is for fool's)
Yes, that one. I know what you are probably thinking.
Yes I am an idiot.
It is hard to explain, as these things always are, but I can't help myself.
Anyway, the first day went rather well. I had a good time with this person and their friends, but I couldn't shake the feeling that something I wouldn't like was going to happen. The individual in question kept sneaking in mentions of a 'friend' who was coming in a couple of days. Cutting a long story short, a couple of days later my feeling proves to be right, leaving me, well, you get the idea.
Idiot, I know. Yet, while it hurts, which is their doing, I acknowledge they owe me nothing. They have made no promises. It is all me. Yeah, idiot, I know. Don't remind me.
The instant this happened a song popped into my head that described exactly how I was feeling. (See video/Lyrics)
Seventy Times Seven - Brand New.
"Back in school they never taught us
what we needed to know
Like how to deal with despair
or someone breakin your heart
For twelve years I've held it all together
but a night like this is beggin to pull me apart
I played it quiet left you deep in conversation
I felt uncool and hung out around the kitchen
I remember I kept thinking
that I know you never would
And now I know I want to kill you
like only a best friend could
Everyone's caught on to everything you do
Everyone's caught on to...
As if it happening wasn't enough
I got to go and write a song
just to remind myself how bad it sucked
Ignore the sun, covers over my head
Wrote a message on my pillow that says
"Jesse, stay asleep in bed"
Don't apologize (I hope you choke and die!)
Search your cell for something which to hang yourself
They say you need to pray
if you want to go to heaven
But they don't tell you what to say
when your whole life has gone to Hell!
Everyone's caught on to everything you do
Everyone's caught on to...
Everyone's caught on to
(and I can't let you let me down again)
everything you do
Everyone's caught on to...
(and I can't let you let me down again)
So is that what you call a getaway?
Tell me what you got away with
Cause I've seen more spine on jellyfish
I've seen more guts on eleven-year-old kids
Have another drink and drive yourself home
I hope there's ice on all the roads
And you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt
and again when your head goes through the windshield
Is that what you call tact?
You're as subtle as a brick in the small of my back
So let's end this call and end this conversation
And is that what you call a getaway?
Tell me what you got away with
Cause you left the frays from the ties you severed
when you say "best friends" means friends forever
Is that what you call a getaway?!!
Tell me what you got away with!!
Cause I've seen more spine on jellyfish!!
I've seen more guts on eleven-year-old kids!!
Have another drink and drive yourself home!!
I hope there's ice on all the roads!!
And you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt
then when your head goes through the windshield!!
(I can't let you let me down again)
Everyone's caught on to everything you do
(and I can't let you let me down again)
Everyone's caught on to...
(I can't let you let me down again)
Everyone's caught on to everything you do
(and I can't let you let me down again)
Everyone's caught on to..."
what we needed to know
Like how to deal with despair
or someone breakin your heart
For twelve years I've held it all together
but a night like this is beggin to pull me apart
I played it quiet left you deep in conversation
I felt uncool and hung out around the kitchen
I remember I kept thinking
that I know you never would
And now I know I want to kill you
like only a best friend could
Everyone's caught on to everything you do
Everyone's caught on to...
As if it happening wasn't enough
I got to go and write a song
just to remind myself how bad it sucked
Ignore the sun, covers over my head
Wrote a message on my pillow that says
"Jesse, stay asleep in bed"
Don't apologize (I hope you choke and die!)
Search your cell for something which to hang yourself
They say you need to pray
if you want to go to heaven
But they don't tell you what to say
when your whole life has gone to Hell!
Everyone's caught on to everything you do
Everyone's caught on to...
Everyone's caught on to
(and I can't let you let me down again)
everything you do
Everyone's caught on to...
(and I can't let you let me down again)
So is that what you call a getaway?
Tell me what you got away with
Cause I've seen more spine on jellyfish
I've seen more guts on eleven-year-old kids
Have another drink and drive yourself home
I hope there's ice on all the roads
And you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt
and again when your head goes through the windshield
Is that what you call tact?
You're as subtle as a brick in the small of my back
So let's end this call and end this conversation
And is that what you call a getaway?
Tell me what you got away with
Cause you left the frays from the ties you severed
when you say "best friends" means friends forever
Is that what you call a getaway?!!
Tell me what you got away with!!
Cause I've seen more spine on jellyfish!!
I've seen more guts on eleven-year-old kids!!
Have another drink and drive yourself home!!
I hope there's ice on all the roads!!
And you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt
then when your head goes through the windshield!!
(I can't let you let me down again)
Everyone's caught on to everything you do
(and I can't let you let me down again)
Everyone's caught on to...
(I can't let you let me down again)
Everyone's caught on to everything you do
(and I can't let you let me down again)
Everyone's caught on to..."
I know it is a tad cruel, but this is honestly how I felt. I lay in bed that night, shaking in rage, anger, disappointment, sadness and whatever else.
The next day I decided to head home early. Weirdly me and my friend spent the rest of the day together, and had an amazing time, of which I'll spare you the details. This; coupled with the fact that they have no 'official' knowledge of how I feel, and thus have no obligations to those feelings, made something inside me click.
The title of the song that popped into my head; Seventy Times Seven, has another meaning.
The Parable of the unmerciful servant.
"21Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?”
22Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
23“Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. 25Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
26“The servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ 27The servant’s master took pity on him, cancelled the debt and let him go.
28“But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.
29“His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.’
30“But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. 31When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened.
32“Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I cancelled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ 34In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
35“This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.” - Mathew 18."
I'm not getting into a debate about religion, my views on that are a simple mix of agnosticism (based on the lack of irrefutable proof either way) and tolerance and acceptance of all religions (based on respect for individual liberties).
The Bible can be interpreted in many ways, indeed, this small parable can be interpreted with similar ambiguity. For me, in the context of my situation, it is about accepting the reality of the situation, and not holding a grudge for something that, in all honesty, I would probably do myself in a similar situation.
If you're reading this, 小紅龍 (Xiǎo hóng lóng) you are forgiven (Yeah, I did use Google translate...I don't know Chinese) and I think you should know, that in a primary school kinda way, I think I'm starting to hate you too. A lot (which will only make sense if you remember what we were talking about before I went home).
Yeah, idiot, I know. Don't remind me.
- DH -
Yeah, idiot, I know. Don't remind me.
- DH -
Thursday 2 June 2011
07. The end and the beginning.
I finally have finished my second year at University.
I can honestly say that it has been terrible in comparison with the first. The course content was much more challenging than last year, and there was also a considerably larger amount of work to wade through as well. Not only that but I have not enjoyed the social side of this year as much either. To be honest, that is a bit of an understatement. It's been unbearable at times.
I'll start with the more academic side of things this time around, mainly because it is pretty short. I spoke with one of my tutors (Sources and Debates) and it turned out I'd done fairly well in my extended essay. We had a chat about what I could do better and the like, and then went on to the subject of dissertations.
The thought terrifies me. I struggled to find 4,000 words, let alone 10,000!
But after talking to him about it I feel a little more relaxed, even if I have no idea what I'm going to write about.
I can honestly say that it has been terrible in comparison with the first. The course content was much more challenging than last year, and there was also a considerably larger amount of work to wade through as well. Not only that but I have not enjoyed the social side of this year as much either. To be honest, that is a bit of an understatement. It's been unbearable at times.
I'll start with the more academic side of things this time around, mainly because it is pretty short. I spoke with one of my tutors (Sources and Debates) and it turned out I'd done fairly well in my extended essay. We had a chat about what I could do better and the like, and then went on to the subject of dissertations.
The thought terrifies me. I struggled to find 4,000 words, let alone 10,000!
But after talking to him about it I feel a little more relaxed, even if I have no idea what I'm going to write about.
As much as I'd like to vent about the social aspect I won't. I'm not as fucking childish as some people. All I'm going to say is stop being jealous of something I don't have. I've never had any animosity towards you, but from now on, don't expect any quarter from me.
If you're reading this and it you think 'this is about me right?' it probably is. Grow up.
That is all.
I'll be going back home on the weekend. Hobby/Work and general 'good time' orientated blogging will ensue.
SUMMER IS HERE!
Thank Fuck.
-DH-
PS.
Play this game. It is WIN - http://www.nyanicorn.com/
If you're reading this and it you think 'this is about me right?' it probably is. Grow up.
That is all.
I'll be going back home on the weekend. Hobby/Work and general 'good time' orientated blogging will ensue.
SUMMER IS HERE!
Thank Fuck.
-DH-
PS.
Play this game. It is WIN - http://www.nyanicorn.com/
Saturday 21 May 2011
06. Revision, Revision, Revision. Another stop gap.
I apologise for the lack of updates.
It is exam time again, and between revision and procrastination I have found very little to get animated about, and thus, found very little to write about.
Currently I am revising for my 'Power in the Modern World', ' Peace, Conflict and Security' and 'Equality' Exams.
Power is fairly difficult to revise for due to the fact that I'm unsure about the format the exam will take. The module is of very 'theory/narrative' based format, which is odd for a history module, and as such, I find it difficult to know how to approach revision.
Do I revise the theories behind the narratives? Or, do I attempt to relate those to historical instances; theory in practise?
I've gone with about a 70/30 mix of both....
Peace, Conflict and Security on the other hand should be relatively easy to revise for. The subject is by far the most complex out of the three, however, our lecturer had the foresight to 'drop us a hint' on what 'might' be on the exam. Pick a few topics, revise them and the job should be a good 'un.
Equality is the exam I am most confident about, as I would assume it would follow the lectures. It just so happens that Freedom and Equality was the one module I turned up for the most, and had the most interest in.
Yet exams always do this to me. The one I feel the most confident about I will do the worst in, and those I am dreading I will do the best in.
Needless to say I will be glad when this is all over.
It is exam time again, and between revision and procrastination I have found very little to get animated about, and thus, found very little to write about.
Currently I am revising for my 'Power in the Modern World', ' Peace, Conflict and Security' and 'Equality' Exams.
Power is fairly difficult to revise for due to the fact that I'm unsure about the format the exam will take. The module is of very 'theory/narrative' based format, which is odd for a history module, and as such, I find it difficult to know how to approach revision.
Do I revise the theories behind the narratives? Or, do I attempt to relate those to historical instances; theory in practise?
I've gone with about a 70/30 mix of both....
Peace, Conflict and Security on the other hand should be relatively easy to revise for. The subject is by far the most complex out of the three, however, our lecturer had the foresight to 'drop us a hint' on what 'might' be on the exam. Pick a few topics, revise them and the job should be a good 'un.
Equality is the exam I am most confident about, as I would assume it would follow the lectures. It just so happens that Freedom and Equality was the one module I turned up for the most, and had the most interest in.
Yet exams always do this to me. The one I feel the most confident about I will do the worst in, and those I am dreading I will do the best in.
Needless to say I will be glad when this is all over.
On the procrastination side; Portal 2, Mine craft, The Horus Heresy Novels, Face book...
The list is endless.
When I have time I might write about some of the books, games and albums I have used to get through the moments where my mind refuses to do revision. You never know.
There will be more interesting updates in the future. I promise. (Well, I don't promise you'll find them interesting, but I will...maybe).
Ta'ra' for now.
-DH-
The list is endless.
When I have time I might write about some of the books, games and albums I have used to get through the moments where my mind refuses to do revision. You never know.
There will be more interesting updates in the future. I promise. (Well, I don't promise you'll find them interesting, but I will...maybe).
Ta'ra' for now.
-DH-
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