Monday 10 December 2012

17. Would you like to know more?



I guess this would be considered another filler post, seeing as I have nothing interesting to write about.

Recently I've had an apathetic attitude towards... well, life I guess.

   It all started a couple of weeks back. It was my birthday, and despite assurances that folk would turn out and make it a weekend to remember, it wasn't. It was a lacklustre affair; only a couple of people I would consider my closest friends came, and of those that didn't, few offered any sort of an apology, and in most cases their excuses were flimsy at best.
   Afterwards, any attempt at communication with some has just been met by a brick wall of acknowledgement; just about registering the attempt, but brushing it off with little, or no, attempt of conversation.
  Needless to say, the past few weeks have passed with an overwhelming feeling of isolation.
When things like this happen, I generally do something stupid.
I stumbled across this poem and given my current state of mind, it feels quite relevant towards a specific person.


Imperfect Perfection
I dreamt that I'd tell you,
  I dreamt I'd convince you.
I dreamt you would love me
and I too would love you.
I dreamt of perfection,
a dream so romantic.
I dreamt you would smile
and carefully panic.
I dreamt you would hug me.
  I dreamt we would both see,
together we're better -
  I dreamt you weren't choosy.
I dreamt up the ways
of how I could tell you.
I dreamt up bouquets
and a time and place too.
I dreamt that I told you.
  I dreamt that I could do.
I dreamt that it happened.
  I dreamt of a breakthrough.

Instead i told you
at 3am drunk on Facebook
and i took it back the next morning

(Found here - http://hellopoetry.com/poem/imperfect-perfection-1)

It pretty much sums up how I think, and then what I actually do.
Not this time.
I'm sick of making excuses. Of making the effort and being thrown back. Of being the instigator.

I do dream of this. Of all of it.
But I'm done with putting myself out there, just to be left in the cold.
It's your turn to start something.

Or not. I'm fine with it either way.


-DH-

Tuesday 30 October 2012

Filler, filler nights!

 If you have read my previous post you will have noticed I had started a 6-a-side football team.
The team is called 'Associated Squirrels,' and is mainly made up of co-workers, with a little help from a few friends and members of the Sunday League team I'm in (Sporting Bearwood). Generally we play every Tuesday; as such we have a game tonight, and there will be no possibility of any meaningful updates. So in place of a proper update I give you a match report from our second game (the game before tonight game). Enjoy!



Associated Squirrels Match Report - October 16 2012

Associated Squirrels Vs Bartley Boys 8:20pm Kick Off.

   This was to be the second outing for the Squirrels. Although they had been defeated by Inter Me Lambretta B the previous week, the team were feeling positive. However, a few last minute drop outs as well as some of the team being absent, left the team severely under strength. The captain however was determined to play this game. Subsequently a few players were drafted in to make up for the absentees (My Thanks to Ant and Sanjay for filling in), in addition Edward Ross joined the team for the night (After having already played a game that very night). With the gaps filled the game was on. They were to play Bartley Boys; a team yet to play a competitive match in the League.
   The first half began. Unfortunately, the squirrels were slow off the mark. The almost completely different set up from last week took its toll on their organisation and movement, and it came as no surprise when the Bartley boys went one, and then two up. The squirrels had little to no opportunities, while the Bartley boys had ripped apart the Squirrels defence, but they had been wasteful in front of goal; shooting high, wide and not very handsome on numerous occasions and for all their creative play the Bartley boys couldn't increase their lead, as the Squirrels started to gel and settle into the game with some good defensive play from Ant and Harry in defence.
   At halftime the team got together and went over the flaws in their play, and how best to exploit the opposition. It would seem that this period of reflection galvanised the team, as in the second half they were a different team. As the half kicked off the Squirrels immediately took the initiative with some good passing and movement. Jamal was replaced by Edward to add some creativity in midfield. The fresh legs seemed to be the straw that broke the Camel's back; a cheeky lofted ball from Ed to Luke put the forward through as he smashed it into the top corner. The next Squirrels goal was the result of some quality build up play; Sanjay, Harry and Edward passing it from side to side, before playing Luke through. who calmly slotted it home.
   The momentum seemed to be with the Squirrels, but they were not the only ones hungry for the win. The Bartley boys pushed forward at every opportunity and asking questions of the Squirrels defence. Eventually a powerful shot from distance curled in the air leaving the keeper stranded putting the Bartley Boys in the lead once again.
  The squirrels answered in kind. Edward dropped into defence with Ste, while Harry pushed forward to add to the attacking power. Ed gave way for Jamal, while Sanjay dropped to defence. It was this growing attacking intent that pinned the Bartley Boys back in their half.  It was in this period of domination that Luke got his, and the squirrels, third goal. A lovely rolled ball out from the Keeper found Luke's feet, despite the battling defender at his back. A deft turn left the challenger on the floor and Luke through on goal. The Bartley Boys hesitated claiming Luke had hauled their man to the floor; Luke however did no such thing and smashed the ball home to level the score. The Bartley boys rued not playing to the whistle as the Squirrels celebrated.
  The were to be more twists and turns however. A poor Clarence from Harry out of the squirrels defence gave the opposition the opportunity to shoot, netting the Bartley boys fourth. It was a soft goal to give away. The same was true for the next Bartley Boys goal. A lofted ball played from the back to the forward could have been dealt with better, but at this point Ed was on his last legs and the pace of the ball beat him, the resultant shot was a powerful one at the near post, which found its way into the back of the net, when the keeper should have had it covered.
The Game ended, Associated Squirrels 3 - 5 Bartley Boys.
  The Squirrels will feel disappointed by the loss. The two mistakes at the end would seem to have cost them the game; however, a team always makes mistakes. In reality the two goals conceded at the beginning, while the squirrels were still getting into their stride, were the far more telling. If these goal could have been avoided it would have been a comfortable win for the Squirrels. Alas, with the team roster fluctuating greatly the Squirrels are struggling to gel.
However, the next outing against Pascendale on the 30th should see an almost full team roster, and therefore will be a fairer test of the team. Pascendale are top of the league however, and it could be a very challenging fixture.
 
Team Sheet + M.V.P.

Harry,
Jamal,
Luke (MVP - 3 goals),
Ste,
Edward (Drafted in),
Sanjay (Drafted in),
Ant (Drafted in).




16. The Village Idiots Vs. Associated Squirrels



  Hello. S'been far too long as usual, but that should all be changing soon. I am making myself commit to some projects to get myself back into blogging. -DH-

  One of these projects will be the (almost forgotten) clan: The Village Idiots.
My brother was talking to me about some idea of playing a game over twitter; you basically let popular opinion decide the next course of action. Kind of like a choose your own adventure. I'm pretty sure we're going ahead with that idea.
I've added the links to all the clan stuff in the 'Recommended' section if you fancy checking it out (top right of the page).

   More importantly it gave me an idea; what if I blogged about a play through of a game/ some games, but wrote about it from the first person? Like a captain's log. Lots of potential.

 I should probably explain my great absence. Not like there is anything fantastical about it. I just haven't been interested in writing anything for a while. Between work, other commitments and generally feeling like shit I just haven't been able to bring myself to write about anything worthwhile.

  There are no new developments on the political front; The Conservatives are still being reckless and short-sighted in power, and labour (whom are the only logical alternative) are not providing enough for voters to invest in terms of policy commitments.   

  I recently started up a six-a-side football team with a few co-workers and a couple of friends. We've played a couple of games, and lost everyone! It's the taking part that counts right?

Anyways that's all for now. In the meantime, here is the match report from our first game, which was a while back. Enjoy and PEACE!

Associated Squirrels Match report - October 9 2012.

Associated Squirrels Vs Inter Me Lambretta 8:20pm Kick off.

   The first outing of any team in a new league is always likely to be a difficult one, and for Associated Squirrels; a team that had never played together before,  it was always going to be an uphill battle, especially against an experienced side.
  As the first half kicked off these were the telling factors. The Squirrels looked lively going forward, but disjointed. For all their attacking intent there was a clear contrast in quality in the final third, and communication at the back between the two sides. This was clear for all to see when Inter broke free and struck their first blow on the counter attack making them a goal to the good in the first 10 minutes.
   The second goal was the result of quality build up play from Inter; a period on controlled build up play and clinical passes resulted in a 3 on 2 situation at the back and a fizzing final shot that left the keeper for dead. This goal started the fight back for the Squirrels, with some good holding play from Luke and Marc, unfortunately the shots went wide. Harry managed to fire in a driven pass across the box to Jamal, only to find the shot bounce out of play after some excellent defensive work from the Inter defender.
  This brief period of quality was cut short however by an Inter penalty. A defensive error lead to Reece scrambling to retrieve a wayward ball, and he moved just outside his area. The resulting spot kick tucked away in the bottom right hand corner of the goal bringing the deficit to three.
  After a brief team discussion the second half started. The best way to describe it would be to use the old cliche 'a game of two halves.'
   The communication and build up play was of a much higher quality from the squirrels; Dave, Ste; an 11th hour inclusion to the side all providing much better service for Marc and Luke to fasten on to. Marc had a few shots blaze just wide, though the best chances fell to Luke; the first the result a brilliant ball played though the two defenders gave him opportunity to shoot. The shot; taken with the outside of his right boot, curled past the keeper and dashed across the goal, only to find the post and go wide.
  The second standout chance was the result of some clever build up play from Ste; playing the ball through to Marc who then chipped the ball on to Luke. As Luke turned to run forward, the Inter defender got all of the man and none of the ball, but despite this, Luke kept on his feet and was through on goal. Unfortunately the referee called the play back, much to the dismay of the Squirrels.
  It was then that the final nail was put into the coffin. After squandering some good chances and being denied on several occasions by Reece, an Inter forward shrugged off the Squirrels defence to play in his team mate. With just the keeper to beat Inter forward calmly switched feet and slotted it past Reece into the bottom right hand corner. The keeper might feel unlucky, but the finish was excellent.
    
   Despite being beaten , the squirrels can take heart from their performance. Their marked improvement in the second half showed that there was quality to be had in the team, all that missing was the synchronisation a team gains from playing together, as well as a lack of numbers.

The game ended, Associated Squirrels 0 - 4 Inter Me Lambretta.

Team Sheet + Most Valuable Player.
Harry,

Reece,
Luke,
Marc,
Dave,
Jamal,
Ste - MVP (Drafted in to make up for numbers).

 -DH-

Sunday 24 June 2012

15. Tax, Teaching and Timbre

It has been far too long, I apologise.

    I have been preoccupied with getting my life in order; starting work, looking to move forward on my chosen career path and other distractions. That is not to say I've not had a moment to spare, far from it. There has been many a time in the past month where I've had nothing constructive to do and instead of finding purpose, I've whittled away these hours of opportunity playing Minecraft, Call of Duty or Fifa.
   I am currently in one of those frames of time. Sitting at my desk with nothing especially constructive to do. So I thought I'd pick up where I left off and forge ahead with my blog and other hobbies.



We shall start with something briefly contentious.
    Recently in the news Jimmy Carr has been outed by the Prime Minster, David Cameron, as a 'tax dodger' for being part of the k2 tax scheme. If you are unfamiliar with these events Google it, or alternatively watch this video on the bbc news website.
Essentially the PM has said that taking part in such scheme is morally wrong, and I tend to agree with him. Yet here begins the hypocrisy. While being slightly sensationalist in nature, the daily mirror stumbles upon the core problem with the PM's 'moral' argument. While chastising Jimmy Carr for is 'moral failings,' the PM has not publicly criticised those considered his allies, friends, family and colleagues, whom a large majority are using similar tax avoidance techniques such as paying oneself dividends instead of a fixed, and thus taxable, salary. (To see more details read here - http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/jimmy-carr-tax-row-turns-905663).
Whether or not you agree with the 'moral' argument in this case is irrelevant. The simple truth is that you cannot in this case have a rule or law set down and then not apply it to all who operate under it. It is hard to avoid sounding partisan/anti conservative when I say this is classic Conservative-in-government behaviour. If we want to strive for fairness, honesty, transparency and equality, then these exemptions simply cannot be tolerated.

  Moving away from politics and back to the informal ramblings and recordings of my life, I have started to steam ahead with my plans to become a teacher. I have finally finished my Degree and got my results (a 2:1 overall! :D) and now it is time for me to begin the next step. This essentially involves me applying for positions as volunteer teaching assistant/ observing lessons. Not only will I gain invaluable experience by doing so, but also an insight into teaching strategies.
  This is all well and good, but I cannot stress enough how strange it feels talking to people, asking for these positions, when the last time I spoke to them was when I was like 8 years old or something. It is pretty weird to say the least :P

Finally we come to the end of this post... well, near the end.
I wanted to write a review of a gig I went to a while back, yet I held back. I mentioned this in my last blog post; personal reasons, not wanting to sound like a pretentious dick and so on...
Anyway, that's all passed now and yet there is a new problem.
Time.
It has been a fair while since then, so I'm going to put it quite bluntly.
They were good. Well worth going to see.
It is pretty hard to describe what Sunrise Over Europe are like; this isn't exactly helped by the somewhat confusing description prior to the gig being 'Balkan folk' amongst other odd genre's. The easiest way for me to convey what the gig was like, and how I felt, is for you to just go and see them. They curate an event at the Flapper and Firkin in Birmingham every month called Watchifres. Basically they gather good local bands and showcase them to a guaranteed audience, before rounding off the evening with their own set. S'pretty good. Follow the embedded links to find out more, or check out my blog roll list in the top right corner of the blog.

  Another 'gig' I went to was a show by the Dead Poets. The show is a story explaining how a Grime MC and a Professional poet came together to try to mix genre's; fusing rap with poetry, and their subsequent '___' (Success? Failure? Your choice I guess). The show was funny and exceptionally clever, it is definitely worth checking out one of their shows if you can make it, or alternatively you can order some their merchandise from their website. The best way to get a taste for what it is like is to check them out on YouTube. I'd be surprised if you haven't already seen this; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tp4wEewrQdU
It is a rap battle between Blizzard and Mark Grist; a former teacher and the former poet laureate of Peterborough. It is a quality vid, and I cannot stress enough how much you need this in your life.

  That is it for now. I've updated my Bolter and Chainsword blog with a little snippet about my Sisters of Battle, but my war gaming has been put temporarily on hold until the release of the 6th edition of Warhammer 40,000. So stay tuned.

Inabizzle
-DH-

Thursday 10 May 2012

14. Revelations and Restraint; patience and positive outcomes.


   So I've been all set to write my next 'serious' blog since my last post some twelve days ago (See 13. It is done! Whacha gonna dooo!), yet I held off. I thought I'd get some celebratory drinking done, go home and see my friends and get some errands out the way.

Bad choice.

Revelations.
   The past few days have been a rollercoaster. I went home in a positive frame of mind, with concrete plans and high hopes. From the word go nothing went the way it was supposed to, nor how I wanted it to. The 'plan' fell apart almost instantly, and although it resolved itself in the end I was left with a sour taste in my mouth. This probably influenced the remainder of the night; over analysing things, over reacting to things and worrying too much.
Needless to say I had a terrible time, made my excuses and left. Thus followed a couple of days plagued by feelings of confusion and anxiety. It was in this time frame and consequently negative frame of mind I had planned on writing this post.

I'm fucking glad I didn't. Good choice.

The past few days have brought some revelations; some obvious, some less so and I won't go into any detail about most of them here. Yet the most significant aspect I have taken away is the importance of patience.

Restraint.
  When posting these blogs you always risk saying things that people might not agree with. I've accepted this quite openly. Most of the time I don't give a damn what people think about what I write, so long as it is true to how I feel. Yet if I were to write with the negative mindset of a few days ago it would find its way here in a tangible form. While it may represent how I feel at the time it is only a momentary feeling. It doesn't represent the full extent of the truth and is thus misleading. If certain people were to read my writing in this mindset it would no doubt cause some damage to their opinion of me. Again, if I were writing coherently and with a level head, I honestly would not give it a second thought if people are offended, or I lose ground in their opinion. It would be justified from their point of view, and from mine; but if I was writing from a position of distress, or any other extreme emotion, then it isn't a fair representation to be judged against.
In other words, I don't mind being guilty of something, so long as I actually do it, and would be willing to do it at any time, regardless of circumstance. Ideals can change, but they are only ideals if you are willing to defend them no matter the circumstance. If suddenly under emotional distress you abandon your ideals and morals, they were never true to begin with. Equally decisions made under such a 'stress' will never be a fair representation of the whole of someone's character, just aspects of it.


   In this regard I am infinity glad I managed to restrain my negativity, here and elsewhere (except to a couple of people whom had the task of keeping me together. Thank you). In light of recent events It was definitely the right decision.
Things look positive right now =].

Now that is out the way I can move forward.
Next stops are a gig review and my mini 'essay.'

Ta'ra!
-DH-

Saturday 28 April 2012

13. It is done. Wha'ch gonna dooo!?


  My final exam was on Friday the 27th of April and I've handed in my dissertation a few days early. So that is the end of that. University is finally over. Three long years. I actually can't believe it.
I find myself at a loss as what to do next.
Obviously I'm sticking around here until my tenancy is up on the house. The aim? Get drunk and celebrate. After that I'll return home and back to the daily grind at work. But what about after that?

   The future looms large on the horizon, and all those distant questions of what I intended to do with the rest of my life draw ever closer, and with it the need to clarify all of the vague plans I have put together in order to justify the path I have chosen to take thus far. It is quite an overwhelming prospect, and something I will have to seriously think about over the coming months.

    While all this is very practical I can't help but reflect on the time that has gone by, and how I have changed. I'll admit my personality hasn't changed drastically, nor have my views. Rhetoric and overblown comparisons aside I have always seen myself as a very liberal/socialist oriented person. Up until now I could only put this down to irrational emotions and a pragmatic approach to reality and events. However, I feel that my ideals have shifted slightly, and I have a renewed sense of justification behind them. While they are still liberal and socialist, they have more philosophical and moral weight behind them. Indeed, this is largely down to my academic experiences. The 'individualistic' approach to human rights and the Buddhist/Gandhian Hinduism principle of Ahisma, or non-violence and truth, provide the moral foundations and justification I feel I had been previously been lacking. While separate concepts, they are both similar in their approach; rights only exist in relation to other rights; one must respect the other and thus observe their rights in order for those to do the same. I admit the principle is contestable, and while universal in theory, not so in application, and yet I can't help but feel that it is an entirely justified approach. I think I'll return to this debate in the future.

    On a less serious note; the lack of immediate work commitments means I am finally allowed to return to unfinished projects and open myself up to the possibility of new ones. I have been chomping at the bit in excitement over this prospect.

I can finally return to hobbying.
   I have several armies that I need to finish off and/or expand on. I am especially looking forward to painting my Grey Knights and finishing the Deathwatch. I have my Necromunda gang to finish, and terrain to build for all games.
In addition to these I want to start a heresy era Thousands Sons army and Emperors Children army. This will allow me to incorporate some of the older armour marks (Check them out on Forgeworld) and some of the newer stuff too.

I can get round to Gaming again.
   I will have the time to sort my Desktop computer out, and get round to completing all the games I've bought over the past three years and not finished (and in some cases not even played). I'm looking forward to playing some Minecraft and finally getting round to immersing myself in Skyrim. Obviously I'll be bashing out the staples of any gamers life; Multiplayer games. If anyone wants to challenge me to Fifa, Call of Duty and so on, drop a comment/send me a message and we'll sort something out (funnily enough my Gamertag is my blog profile name: DarKHaZZl3)
Another aspect of gaming I want to get into a lot more is board gaming. Seriously! My friends from home have started playing Civilization the board game; I had one game, and it is amazing. Tense, exciting and unpredictable. Everything you want from a good strategy game.

    So far these are very average plans wouldn't you say? I would. It is not that I don't want to partake in these activities, I really do! They do lack a certain ambition, and that is where the main source of excitement is coming from for me.

   While at University I have been attracted to the YouTube/podcast gaming community.  If you are unfamiliar with this you should check out my recommendations (Top right of the blog)). It might not to be everyone's taste but I've really enjoyed the style of  KSIOlajidebt and the Yogscast.
This got me thinking. The one constant problem that was highlighted by my experience at University was distance; it was increasingly difficult for everyone to get together and enjoy gaming and such, as we had done in the past. It hit me recently, 'why not do podcasting?' Recording games of Civ, RISK and everything else we play, so that those who can't make it can still enjoy the jokes and banter that goes on. So at some point in the future that is exactly what we're going to do! The recordings will go up on YouTube/iTunes/ a website or blog, and then we can share these experiences with each other, and anyone else who fancies joining in. Stay tuned for updates on this!

   I also haven't done a 'serious' blog in a while. This isn't for lack of topics; there are plenty of things that have really agitated me in the past few years, and I have a topic lined up for my next post already.

    If you want a preview it it will be about modern Feminism; the risk of female chauvinism.
The basic argument is that feminism is extremely important, but when the focus shifts from education and changing social norms, to changing rights norms it is counter productive; especially when one understands the liberal conception of the 'individual' nature of rights. It moves into an 'expansive' form, this ultimately means that women while protecting their rights (as they should), stop looking at themselves (which they shouldn't). The whole point of rights is that it protects individuals, as humans. By being expansive one runs the risk of dehumanising men, which is exactly the opposite of what equality in gender is meant to be aiming to do. In no way am I suggesting that men aren't blameless; far from it, but that feminists should be careful of being ignorant to their own activities and the idiocy of sweeping generalisation. (as should we all). I'll talk more about this next time; I might even combine it with the liberal/Ahisma post.

 Anyway, that is enough for now. Feel free to comment/message me about any of the above. Peaceout!
-DH-

Sunday 15 April 2012

A Quick Note

Hey there everyone. I know I haven't posted anything in months, and this isn't exactly a full post either.
I'm currently hurling towards the end of my dissertation (which is due in on the 1st of May), and my exams are creeping up on me (23rd - 27th of April). A such there will still be a significant lack of updates.
However, after these are done and dusted I am, for all intents and purposes, finished. Yes that's right; Degree = Done. Pretty scary.
As such I will no longer have the stress of a Uni workload over my head, and I will have time to start regularly updating this thing again (well...regular-ish at any rate).

I have a whole host of projects I plan on getting into, so stay tuned!

Peace out, and to anyone with exams and work due in soon, good luck!

DH