14. Revelations and Restraint; patience and positive outcomes.

   So I've been all set to write my next 'serious' blog since my last post some twelve days ago (See 13. It is done! Whacha gonna dooo!), yet I held off. I thought I'd get some celebratory drinking done, go home and see my friends and get some errands out the way.

Bad choice.

Revelations.
   The past few days have been a rollercoaster. I went home in a positive frame of mind, with concrete plans and high hopes. From the word go nothing went the way it was supposed to, nor how I wanted it to. The 'plan' fell apart almost instantly, and although it resolved itself in the end I was left with a sour taste in my mouth. This probably influenced the remainder of the night; over analysing things, over reacting to things and worrying too much.
Needless to say I had a terrible time, made my excuses and left. Thus followed a couple of days plagued by feelings of confusion and anxiety. It was in this time frame and consequently negative frame of mind I had planned on writing this post.

I'm fucking glad I didn't. Good choice.

The past few days have brought some revelations; some obvious, some less so and I won't go into any detail about most of them here. Yet the most significant aspect I have taken away is the importance of patience.

Restraint.
  When posting these blogs you always risk saying things that people might not agree with. I've accepted this quite openly. Most of the time I don't give a damn what people think about what I write, so long as it is true to how I feel. Yet if I were to write with the negative mindset of a few days ago it would find its way here in a tangible form. While it may represent how I feel at the time it is only a momentary feeling. It doesn't represent the full extent of the truth and is thus misleading. If certain people were to read my writing in this mindset it would no doubt cause some damage to their opinion of me. Again, if I were writing coherently and with a level head, I honestly would not give it a second thought if people are offended, or I lose ground in their opinion. It would be justified from their point of view, and from mine; but if I was writing from a position of distress, or any other extreme emotion, then it isn't a fair representation to be judged against.
In other words, I don't mind being guilty of something, so long as I actually do it, and would be willing to do it at any time, regardless of circumstance. Ideals can change, but they are only ideals if you are willing to defend them no matter the circumstance. If suddenly under emotional distress you abandon your ideals and morals, they were never true to begin with. Equally decisions made under such a 'stress' will never be a fair representation of the whole of someone's character, just aspects of it.

   In this regard I am infinity glad I managed to restrain my negativity, here and elsewhere (except to a couple of people whom had the task of keeping me together. Thank you). In light of recent events It was definitely the right decision.
Things look positive right now =].

Now that is out the way I can move forward.
Next stops are a gig review and my mini 'essay.'

Ta'ra!
-DH-

13. It is done. Wha'ch gonna dooo!?

  My final exam was on Friday the 27th of April and I've handed in my dissertation a few days early. So that is the end of that. University is finally over. Three long years. I actually can't believe it.
I find myself at a loss as what to do next.
Obviously I'm sticking around here until my tenancy is up on the house. The aim? Get drunk and celebrate. After that I'll return home and back to the daily grind at work. But what about after that?

   The future looms large on the horizon, and all those distant questions of what I intended to do with the rest of my life draw ever closer, and with it the need to clarify all of the vague plans I have put together in order to justify the path I have chosen to take thus far. It is quite an overwhelming prospect, and something I will have to seriously think about over the coming months.

    While all this is very practical I can't help but reflect on the time that has gone by, and how I have changed. I'll admit my personality hasn't changed drastically, nor have my views. Rhetoric and overblown comparisons aside I have always seen myself as a very liberal/socialist oriented person. Up until now I could only put this down to irrational emotions and a pragmatic approach to reality and events. However, I feel that my ideals have shifted slightly, and I have a renewed sense of justification behind them. While they are still liberal and socialist, they have more philosophical and moral weight behind them. Indeed, this is largely down to my academic experiences. The 'individualistic' approach to human rights and the Buddhist/Gandhian Hinduism principle of Ahisma, or non-violence and truth, provide the moral foundations and justification I feel I had been previously been lacking. While separate concepts, they are both similar in their approach; rights only exist in relation to other rights; one must respect the other and thus observe their rights in order for those to do the same. I admit the principle is contestable, and while universal in theory, not so in application, and yet I can't help but feel that it is an entirely justified approach. I think I'll return to this debate in the future.

    On a less serious note; the lack of immediate work commitments means I am finally allowed to return to unfinished projects and open myself up to the possibility of new ones. I have been chomping at the bit in excitement over this prospect.

I can finally return to hobbying.
   I have several armies that I need to finish off and/or expand on. I am especially looking forward to painting my Grey Knights and finishing the Deathwatch. I have my Necromunda gang to finish, and terrain to build for all games.
In addition to these I want to start a heresy era Thousands Sons army and Emperors Children army. This will allow me to incorporate some of the older armour marks (Check them out on Forgeworld) and some of the newer stuff too.

I can get round to Gaming again.
   I will have the time to sort my Desktop computer out, and get round to completing all the games I've bought over the past three years and not finished (and in some cases not even played). I'm looking forward to playing some Minecraft and finally getting round to immersing myself in Skyrim. Obviously I'll be bashing out the staples of any gamers life; Multiplayer games. If anyone wants to challenge me to Fifa, Call of Duty and so on, drop a comment/send me a message and we'll sort something out (funnily enough my Gamertag is my blog profile name: DarKHaZZl3)
Another aspect of gaming I want to get into a lot more is board gaming. Seriously! My friends from home have started playing Civilization the board game; I had one game, and it is amazing. Tense, exciting and unpredictable. Everything you want from a good strategy game.

    So far these are very average plans wouldn't you say? I would. It is not that I don't want to partake in these activities, I really do! They do lack a certain ambition, and that is where the main source of excitement is coming from for me.

   While at University I have been attracted to the YouTube/podcast gaming community.  If you are unfamiliar with this you should check out my recommendations (Top right of the blog)). It might not to be everyone's taste but I've really enjoyed the style of  KSIOlajidebt and the Yogscast.
This got me thinking. The one constant problem that was highlighted by my experience at University was distance; it was increasingly difficult for everyone to get together and enjoy gaming and such, as we had done in the past. It hit me recently, 'why not do podcasting?' Recording games of Civ, RISK and everything else we play, so that those who can't make it can still enjoy the jokes and banter that goes on. So at some point in the future that is exactly what we're going to do! The recordings will go up on YouTube/iTunes/ a website or blog, and then we can share these experiences with each other, and anyone else who fancies joining in. Stay tuned for updates on this!

   I also haven't done a 'serious' blog in a while. This isn't for lack of topics; there are plenty of things that have really agitated me in the past few years, and I have a topic lined up for my next post already.

    If you want a preview it it will be about modern Feminism; the risk of female chauvinism.
The basic argument is that feminism is extremely important, but when the focus shifts from education and changing social norms, to changing rights norms it is counter productive; especially when one understands the liberal conception of the 'individual' nature of rights. It moves into an 'expansive' form, this ultimately means that women while protecting their rights (as they should), stop looking at themselves (which they shouldn't). The whole point of rights is that it protects individuals, as humans. By being expansive one runs the risk of dehumanising men, which is exactly the opposite of what equality in gender is meant to be aiming to do. In no way am I suggesting that men aren't blameless; far from it, but that feminists should be careful of being ignorant to their own activities and the idiocy of sweeping generalisation. (as should we all). I'll talk more about this next time; I might even combine it with the liberal/Ahisma post.

 Anyway, that is enough for now. Feel free to comment/message me about any of the above. Peaceout!
-DH-

A Quick Note

Hey there everyone. I know I haven't posted anything in months, and this isn't exactly a full post either.
I'm currently hurling towards the end of my dissertation (which is due in on the 1st of May), and my exams are creeping up on me (23rd - 27th of April). A such there will still be a significant lack of updates.
However, after these are done and dusted I am, for all intents and purposes, finished. Yes that's right; Degree = Done. Pretty scary.
As such I will no longer have the stress of a Uni workload over my head, and I will have time to start regularly updating this thing again (well...regular-ish at any rate).

I have a whole host of projects I plan on getting into, so stay tuned!

Peace out, and to anyone with exams and work due in soon, good luck!

DH

Bolter and Whatnow?

Yes I have updated my B&C blog. Not much mind, just mad eup a sister of battle list using the WD codex. Feel free to check it out here - Sisters be this way!

I'll post a real update soon...ish.
University is stressing me out. In both a social and academic context. Bad times.

DH

12. Sound effects and overdramatics

  I know I said not to expect posts for a while, but I am so damn bored. That and I in desperate need of distractions. Things just don't seem to be going my way of late.

  Anyway, I'll come back to that. Maybe.

Political shit ahead (if you're not interested, you fucking should be...but you can skip past it, you'll know when it is over when the main text changes colour).

  Not too long ago there was a spate of riots; well, I say riots, what I actually mean is rampant looting, through the UK. Especially in Birmingham. Numerous political commentators have out this down to 'gang' culture and such, and then let the blame lie there. I don't think that attributing blame like that is the way to go about things. Gang culture may have had some role, but it is far from the cause. No individual cause exists; there is no one group or entity to blame. This society has produced the circumstances needed to spark such 'riots'. Society created room for gang culture to grow, for an underclass to form, for people to think that looting and violence is excusable.

  There is an underlying causality to all this. I'm not claiming to know what it is, but I have an idea of one of the driving forces involved. Our society creates losers; people who are left out, undermined, ignored and repressed by society and its structures and functions, more so now than most points in our history. There is an ever growing gap between the underclass/the poor and the super rich. This is, in part down, to the concept of free market competition. There is an overwhelming focus of gain, material possessions and greed in western society. Where someone gains, someone else losses. The ever growing gap in wealth is evidence of that, and the failings of the 'trickle down' economic stimulation. 

  These fundamental problems in our society, our economy and indeed, our way of thinking need to be addressed. Urgently. If it is not, then as Jonny 'Itch' Fox (front man of The king blues) said while performing at reading festival a while back; 'it might just happen again'.
 With that in mind, check this out - http://anonops.blogspot.com/ (or check out #occupywallstreet, #takewallstreet and @anonops on twitter).

  There is more to be said on this situation, and the general failings of society, capitalism and the market economy, but that is a somewhat bigger and far broader argument to get into right now. Maybe later? Safe.

 
  Moving on to other topics.
 My brother had a few friends round about a week back for a poker game. I decided to join, despite being terrible at poker. £5 in, total prize £35. I won :D (yes, this is me gloating and being a bad winner. HAHAHA).
  Despite this win I've been in a terrible mood since that day. I know why. Unfortunately I (a) have pretty much no control over the situation and (b) can't really tear myself away. I'm being patient, but I can't last forever.

   On a hobby front, well, head over to The Underhive hero to check out the new update (it is relatively small) and/or my blog on the bolterandchainsword for some progress on my (slightly old/resurrected) DeathWatch project.

  Ahhh, procrastination, distraction and a bit of venting always manages to make me feel better.

-DH-

Stalling for time

Yeah, more filler.

I'm going back to university on the 21st of september. Expect a severe drop in updates for a unspecified amount of time.

For those who have heart

Something that sums up how I'm feeling towards a few people right now.

The Danger in Starting a Fire - A Day To Remember

 

'So now you'll know exactly what it feels like
to be an obstacle in my way
You won't remain
You won't remain

Save your breath don't even speak if you'll speak of change
Cause you won't, you won't
Cut to the chase, spare the lecture on what it takes to make a man
Cause you're weak and I'm strong

I will never falter
I'll stand my ground
You're a fake, a worthless coward
Your life won't mean anything

So now you'll know exactly what it feels like
to be an obstacle in my way
You won't remain
You won't remain

Let's set things straight,
What's done is done I never needed you
Tell me exactly who you think that you're kidding?
Everyone will be happy when they find that you're missing
You asked if we'd ever forget you
We've got our fingers crossed
Our fingers crossed!

That's the danger in starting a fire
You'll never know how many bridges you'll burn '

Hobby. Hobby, Hobby.

Updates at both Underhive hero, and the Bolter and Chainsword. Check them out!!

11. Reading and Reading; Escaping reality, returning to reality and seeking another exit.

  It has been a while I know. I apologise, as ever. However I do come bearing a decent size blog post, and various other postings elsewhere, which will of course be linked to in due time.

So, Let us begin with the future.
My third and final year of University is rapidly approaching. I have opted to stick with dual honours History and Politics, with no major or minor, and have thus chosen my modules accordingly.

In History I have taken a pair of modules on the partition of India. By the looks of it these modules focus on the schisms within Indian society and how they lead to India's various partitions and eventual independence. I've also decided to do my dissertation in history, using these modules as a basis, and focusing on the nationalism side of things (At least, that is the plan....for now).

HIS-30094 Religion, Rebellion and the Raj: The Partition of India pt 1

HIS-30095 Negotiating Nationalisms and Partitions: The Partition of India pt 2

HIS-30103 Dissertation for History

In Politics I have tended to pick modules that interest me in some way, shape and form; luckily a couple of the themes explored in these modules coincide with my history dissertation. Win.

PIR-30115 End of Empire

PIR-30119 the Extreme Right in Western Europe

PIR-30126 Human Rights: Concepts, Norms and Identities

PIR-30128 Protest and social movements

These will no doubt creep into future blog posts. I'm not gonna lie, I am a little excited to be intellectually challenged again; summer is dull in that regard, but I am slightly apprehensive. This year is going to be difficult, time consuming and very, very stressful. Too late to turn back now!

Now to the present. 

   I have a new job. Well, it is the same job, just at a different store. The change of scenery and pace is welcome if I'm honest. I won't find out if I like it until I start at Christmas though.

  I did some modelling for my Necromunda gang, which has been put up on Underhive Hero
 I have also taken pictures of my grey knights force which is on my  Bolter and Chainsword Blog So enjoy those.

  I went to Reading festival (25th - 29th) which was, by and large, pretty fucking amazing! Met up with some friends there, had a good laugh, had a few drinks and saw some great bands (as well as some disappointing ones). I don't think I could pick a 'best band of the weekend.' That being said, Flogging Molly, The King Blues, Enter Shikari, Frank Turner and Muse were probably my top five (in no particular order). Worst band award goes to The Strokes. No stage presence whatsoever and not enough of a show to justify it. A Shame really.
And no, I do not look like Jarvis Cocker. Shurrup.

  I managed to finish Kill team...ages ago. It was quite good, but shock! Like all XBL games it was far. Too. Short. Disappointing. Worth a bash? I'd say so, if you're into 40k and/or intend to buy Space Marine. If you're not to either of those, don't bother...or download the demo first at the very least.

   Onto the past....

In short, yeah, I'm an idiot. But, as they say, the past is only the future with the lights on. I'm only looking forward, it is far more interesting ;). yesmyfacehasgoneredatthethoughtofthepossibilities.

Roll on Keele.

-DH-

Chaplin the Chaplain.

One of the greatest speaches ever.
I love it.

"I'm sorry but I don't want to be an Emperor - that's not my business - I don't want to rule or conquer anyone. I should like to help everyone if possible, Jew, gentile, black man, white. We all want to help one another, human beings are like that.

We all want to live by each other's happiness, not by each other's misery. We don't want to hate and despise one another. In this world there is room for everyone and the earth is rich and can provide for everyone.

The way of life can be free and beautiful.

But we have lost the way.

Greed has poisoned men's souls - has barricaded the world with hate; has goose-stepped us into misery and bloodshed.

We have developed speed but we have shut ourselves in: machinery that gives abundance has left us in want. Our knowledge has made us cynical, our cleverness hard and unkind. We think too much and feel too little: More than machinery we need humanity; More than cleverness we need kindness and gentleness. Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost.

The aeroplane and the radio have brought us closer together. The very nature of these inventions cries out for the goodness in men, cries out for universal brotherhood for the unity of us all. Even now my voice is reaching millions throughout the world, millions of despairing men, women and little children, victims of a system that makes men torture and imprison innocent people. To those who can hear me I say "Do not despair".

The misery that is now upon us is but the passing of greed, the bitterness of men who fear the way of human progress: the hate of men will pass and dictators die and the power they took from the people, will return to the people and so long as men die [now] liberty will never perish...

Soldiers - don't give yourselves to brutes, men who despise you and enslave you - who regiment your lives, tell you what to do, what to think and what to feel, who drill you, diet you, treat you as cattle, as cannon fodder.

Don't give yourselves to these unnatural men, machine men, with machine minds and machine hearts. You are not machines. You are not cattle. You are men. You have the love of humanity in your hearts. You don't hate - only the unloved hate. Only the unloved and the unnatural. Soldiers - don't fight for slavery, fight for liberty.

In the seventeenth chapter of Saint Luke it is written " the kingdom of God is within man " - not one man, nor a group of men - but in all men - in you, the people.

You the people have the power, the power to create machines, the power to create happiness. You the people have the power to make life free and beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure. Then in the name of democracy let's use that power - let us all unite. Let us fight for a new world, a decent world that will give men a chance to work, that will give you the future and old age and security. By the promise of these things, brutes have risen to power, but they lie. They do not fulfil their promise, they never will. Dictators free themselves but they enslave the people. Now let us fight to fulfil that promise. Let us fight to free the world, to do away with national barriers, do away with greed, with hate and intolerance. Let us fight for a world of reason, a world where science and progress will lead to all men's happiness.

Soldiers - in the name of democracy, let us all unite!

Look up! Look up! The clouds are lifting - the sun is breaking through. We are coming out of the darkness into the light. We are coming into a new world. A kind new world where men will rise above their hate and brutality.

The soul of man has been given wings - and at last he is beginning to fly. He is flying into the rainbow - into the light of hope - into the future, that glorious future that belongs to you, to me and to all of us. Look up. Look up." - Charlie Chaplin